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If you struggle to do you

I hear people talking about how to ‘do you’ a lot lately.

It may be good advice but for some of us it’s a struggle, until we understand the old agreements and conditioning that get in our way. These agreements can stem from childhood or other lifetimes when you were condemned for your knowledge, work or opinions. When you try and express yourself the old fears and judgements resurface, even though the physical dangers are no longer present.

I’ve learned that it’s never too late to rewrite old agreements and start living more authentically. At this time in history, many of us are here to heal karmic wounds and free ourselves from years of denial and suppression.

To shed these old ways, there’s a need to trust in the divine path laid down for you. When you trust in the sacred intelligence of life you no longer have a need to try and control it, freeing yourself from a lot of misery.

This sacred intelligence is available to you at all times.  Like everyone, you receive guidance from source, but you have to be open to receive it or it won’t land in your conscious awareness. When you’re connected to your guidance you can access your innate power to create a life that’s in resonance for you.

Trusting Inner Wisdom

On this journey there will be tests, challenges and moments of questioning your sanity. Others may question you too but this is actually a good thing. It’s a sign that you’re connecting with a higher level of consciousness. It requires faith to follow your guidance, but the first step is being open to it.

We receive guidance from a number of sources including Spirit and the higher self, but when you’re not feeling empowered you’re less likely to act on its wisdom. In the beginning it can be challenging to figure out what is actually inner guidance and what’s the voice of the ego or personality archetypes. We have many of these archetypes (the victim, the inner child and the saboteur, to name just a few), so if you sometimes feel like you’ve got multiple personalities, you’re not wrong.

The cues we receive from our inner wisdom can be so subtle they’re easy to ignore, especially when we’re mired in doubt and fear. It takes practice to understand which messages are divine guidance and which emanate from other sources. When you practice acting on your guidance, even in small ways, you’ll notice your decisions lead to better outcomes. Keeping a journal is a useful practice to track your results.

It’s also true that when you feel balanced and centred you’re less likely to act on information that comes from your archetypal personalities, which tends to be fear-driven. Divine guidance on the other hand, feels like love and the messages received will always be for your greatest good.

Healthy Boundaries

It’s difficult to connect and act on your guidance when you don’t have healthy boundaries with others. You can’t ‘do you’ while prioritising the needs of other people. Many people struggle with the idea of boundaries because they believe they have to act selfishly, but it’s really a way for you to take back your power.

To create healthier boundaries, it’s helpful to understand the unconscious agreements you’ve made with others, particularly when it comes to interactions that cause anger or upset. This can happen when you over-give or allow others to ignore your needs. Of course the natural response is to blame the other person. But when you recognise that you’re responsible for creating the agreement you can let it go and create a new one.

You can use positive affirmations to support yourself through this change.

It’s safe for me to be who I am.

I am perfect in this moment, just as I am.

No one has power over me.

I allow myself to shine.

With stronger boundaries in place, it becomes easier to drop the habit of people pleasing. This doesn’t mean you no longer give to others. The opposite is actually true. With stronger boundaries in place there’s more capacity to give without feeling angry or resentful.

Dropping People Pleasing Habits

People pleasing behaviours often stem from low self-worth and the fear of not being enough. This is common particularly in women who were raised to suppress their own needs. You can transform these fears when you understand the story that keeps them in play. Try to remember the first time you ignored your own needs to please someone else. When you identity the underlying belief, you can reframe it and change the pattern.

If you struggle with this process it’s often because there’s something that needs to be released. Old energies can block your ability to see answers to your challenges. Forgiveness is one of the most powerful ways to release and let go. It’s no small thing to forgive someone and it’s not about condoning their actions but letting go of the associated trauma in your energy system.

Forgive + Let Go

You can meditate, create a ritual, write a letter or list the memories related to the person you wish to forgive. I often use the Ho’oponopono prayer (translation: correction), a Hawaiian reconciliation and forgiveness practice for healing. Simply repeat:

I’m sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you.

These words help to clear past hurts and traumas even if you’re not entirely sure who or why you’re asking for forgiveness. I also find the idea of forgiveness as a correction to be profound. For every wrongdoing that occurred in your past, you can choose to make a correction that changes your future.

This correction is really important. While it’s incredibly freeing to let go, it’s important to be clear about what you want to create in place of what’s been released. I’ve created a meditation on SoundCloud to support you with this process.

With any of these practices, self-compassion is vital. When you’ve spent years or lifetimes denying your needs or failing to acknowledge aspects of the self, it may take time to shift the old patterns. The way through it is to be patient and continue to follow your guidance. Trust that you’re supported every step of the way. This will give you the strength and courage to ‘do you’ even when those around you may not be as supportive as you would wish.

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