Why change feels hard

Why change feels hard

I’ve been going through another transition lately, not a particularly dramatic one but significant enough to trigger lots of growing pains and resistance.

Even when you know you need to make a change, the ego will do everything to block you, throwing your most deeply held fears in your way.

You might be afraid of losing all that you’ve worked for or that you’ll suffer a drop in income (this is very common).

You may also be worried about how you will be perceived if you make this change.

These fears are designed to keep you stuck in old patterns and ways of being and they can be hard to shake.

If you have a pattern of hiding, for example, or doing everything yourself without help from others, it’s much tougher to make great leaps forward in your career (ask me how I know about that one!).

The only way to move around these obstacles is to change your perception and remember that your fears are not based in reality.

It’s not about turning a critical eye inward either. You must be kind to yourself throughout this process.

Would it help to know that it’s not just you?

Every creature on earth finds change hard. For example not all caterpillars spin their cocoons at the same time. I didn’t know that until I heard this story on Heather Dominick’s podcast. Apparently some of them resist the process of metamorphosis for up to a year, preferring to cling to their familiar larval life than change into the beautiful butterfly they were destined to be.

This state of clinging even has a name. It’s called the Diapause, a period of suspended development between resistance and letting go.

While I understand intellectually that letting go doesn’t result so much in loss as renewal, my reptilian brain takes a little more convincing.

As I try and let go (one fingernail at a time) I remember how:

Letting go of the job I had loved but outgrown felt expansive

Letting go of the idea that my career should follow a ‘conventional’ path felt freeing

Letting go of more money so that it could flow with more ease felt abundant.

The process of letting go has turned out to be my salvation, allowing in more of what my soul craved.

Just as the caterpillar eventually moves out of its diapause and yields to the cocoon, we have to keep taking that next leap of faith so that we too can transition, remembering that a more beautiful, truer future is waiting in the wings if we can just bring ourselves to simply let go.

What do you need to let go of?

PS: If your current career path is no longer serving you, I have a special offer for you. If you book before December 15th you can take $400 off the cost off my 90 Day Starting Over Program. I’m now taking bookings for January. You can book a Discovery Call to start the process or read more about the program here. Wishing you every blessing:-)

What to do when your job starts feeling like Groundhog Day

What to do when your job starts feeling like Groundhog Day

Have you ever felt as though you were living the same day over and over again? It’s frustrating when the job you once loved starts to feel like Groundhog Day. It’s easy to blame yourself. Why can’t I stick with anything longer than 12 months? Why do I get bored so easily? Before you do anything rash it’s worth taking a closer look at the reason why you’re feeling this way.

In my experience, the number one reason people get bored is because the job is no longer a challenge. How often have you played it safe when it comes to taking on a job? If you’re bored it could be because you’re playing small and not doing all that you’re capable of.

This happened to one of my favourite characters in a recent episode of Million Dollar Listing New York. If you don’t watch the show, here’s the overview. Ryan had a career crisis because he was feeling bored with his business. He consulted a psychologist, took some time off and tried to reconnect with the work he was doing in the early days when everything was new and exciting. After a lot of soul searching he realised that he was bored because he’d stopped taking risks in his business (spoiler alert: he went out and bought a Brooklyn real estate agency!).

You know what I’m going to say next.

1) Figure out how you can take more risks

What can you do that would be a stretch for you now? What bold moves can you take to achieve your version of a Brooklyn real estate brokerage?

If leaving your current job is not an option, can you develop a side hustle? This could be giving talks at conferences and events, hosting your own event or taking on some consulting work. I have done this myself in the past. When I wanted to improve my public speaking skills (and get over my nerves), I spoke at events and took on additional projects like teaching workshops. All of these tasks pushed me outside of my comfort zone where I could grow and develop my skills.

If you want to take on more responsibility at work start with how you can make life easier for your manager. What could you offer to take off of her plate that would be make your role more challenging? This brings me to my next point.

2) Ask for what you want

You would be surprised by how many people I see unhappy at work but unwilling to ask for a change in their role. It’s funny how we resist taking the simplest action to change our careers. Go and ask for what you want. Most managers want to have happy staff so if you want to have more responsibility or reduce your hours to take a course or start a business, your manager may be more open to it than you think.

The key to doing this successfully is to make it clear what you want and then be willing to negotiate to make it happen. Don’t give up if he says no to your first request. It’s important to work together to come up with a solution that works for everyone.

But what if you’re not sure what you want?

3) Become an observer

Start by becoming an observer of what you do right now. You will find valuable clues about what could be next for you. When you don’t know who you’re becoming, you can begin by articulating the 5 per cent that you can see (a fabulous post by Tara Mohr on this here).

Here’s how to do this. Set an intention to observe your day to gain insight about your situation. Then switch into observer mode at work. Watch yourself as you perform your daily tasks, interact with people and go about your business. What do you notice about how you conduct yourself? The impact you have? How you feel? Notice where you feel the most joy, the most resentment and keep an eye out for situations that bring out the best in you and make you feel good at the same time. It’s as though you are sitting on your shoulder watching everything play out. You will naturally switch back and forth between observer and doer which is fine. I always discover something new when I do this.

4) Share your feelings with your colleagues

In Million Dollar Listing, Ryan consulted with a psychologist and his wife. But if you can, I believe talking things through with a colleague can be helpful. If you have a good relationship with your co-workers they can give you valuable insights into why you might be feeling less than enthused about your job. Maybe burnout is an issue in your industry and your colleagues have been through similar challenges. They can also give you helpful feedback about what they see as your strengths. Remember that the people you work with, including your manager, might have advice on how you could vary your role or switch to another job altogether. It’s ok to admit that you’re not fully enjoying your work and ask for help.

5) Clear the clutter

I’m talking about the mental clutter that often weighs us down when it comes to work. Whether it’s the thousand emails sitting in your inbox, the number of meetings you attend, or the colleague who consistently asks you for time-consuming favours. Whatever it is, ask yourself: What do I need to let go of here? What’s getting in the way of me doing my best work? Some of the issues that have come up for me in the past include: people pleasing, the desire to do everything perfectly and the need to do everything myself. Trust me, the world won’t fall apart if you don’t respond to every email or explain to a colleague that you can’t respond to every request. How can you help them in a way that’s less time consuming for you? Can you delegate this aspect of your job?

When you decide to let go of the things that are getting in the way you’ll open up more space for the work you need to focus on. Be warned, letting go can make you feel a bit wobbly at first because you’re breaking new ground. If this is bringing up a few objections for you, start with something small. Once you see results, it will give you the courage to tackle bigger issues.

6) Review your goals

What do you want to achieve in the next 12 months? Write down your top three goals and think about how your job will help you to achieve them, whether it’s continuously developing your skills, gaining experience or buying a new home. Reframe your current role as a positive addition to your life. Instead of constantly thinking: I don’t want to go to work today, a new affirmation might be: My job supports my personal and professional growth.

If it turns out that this job is not going to help you achieve that goal, then of course it’s time to look for a new opportunity. The advantage of doing these exercises is that you will gain so much clarity on whether your current role is still right for you, or whether you’ve outgrown it and it’s time to move on.

I would love to hear how these tips work out for you in the comments. In the meantime I wish you an amazing and inspiring day 🙂

23 excuses that stand between you and the career of your dreams

23 excuses that stand between you and the career of your dreams

1) I’m too old and no one will want to hire me:-(

2) I can’t earn decent money doing what I love.

3) I don’t have enough time to study/attend interviews/figure out what I really want to do.

4) My life is already too stressful. I haven’t got the energy to focus on changing my job.

5) The industry I want to work in is full of low-paid workers in casual employment.

6) The job market is too competitive.

7) If I started my own business I wouldn’t have a consistent income.

8) I’m not an expert in anything.

9) I can’t change my job because I have a mortgage and kids.

10) The field I’m interested in is too political/specialised/hard to break into.

11) My husband/wife/mother wouldn’t like it if I went back to study.

12) Someone else deserves the job/promotion more than I do.

13) I haven’t worked hard enough for it.

14) There are no opportunities for someone like me. You need experience/a higher degree/more confidence.

15) I wouldn’t want to work 60 hour weeks and all the social workers/lawyers/business owners I know work those hours

16) The economy is in a downturn so I should hang on to the job I have until things improve.

17) I want to be in a senior role but I don’t want to manage a team or take on more responsibility.

18) It would take too long to retrain, and then I would be too old (see pt 1 above).

19) You need to be really aggressive / cut-throat to make it in that industry.

20) I’d have to take a pay cut.

21) I don’t know if I would really like it.

22) I don’t know what to do.

23) I should probably wait until the kids go to college/my husband gets a better job/we move house/I win the lottery…

Do you recognise any excuses on this list?

The first step towards making any change in your life is getting honest and real about what’s stopping you (hint: it usually has a lot more to do with what’s going on between your ears than reality).

As Woody Allen has said, 80 per cent of success is showing up.

What will you show up for today?

PS: If you want to get over your objections and create a viable plan for your future I can help. You can book your Free Discovery Session here to chat with me first, or book your Single Shot Coaching Session here.

Stop people pleasing if you want to achieve your dreams

Stop people pleasing if you want to achieve your dreams

I know you’ve been there too. It feels like pushing a giant boulder up a hill. You keep pushing even though you feel burdened and trapped. You can’t see any option but to keep going. If you stop you’ll just get flattened by that damned boulder. You can’t even complain because you have no one to blame but yourself.

After months, even years of this, you wake up and see clearly for the first time, that freedom is just one decision away. It’s been there all along. You couldn’t see it before because you were too busy doing what you felt you should, ought, must do.

Like those times when you:

Let someone else dictate your schedule or agenda without question or pushback.

Stopped yourself from pressing publish or send because you were too afraid of what your peers and colleagues might think.

Followed someone else’s advice because you didn’t trust yourself enough to forge your own path.

We humans are hardwired to please and I believe unfailingly in generosity, collaboration and taking the opinions of others on board, but there’s something I’ve learned the deep dark hard way.

If you don’t honour your desires, then you’re in no position to serve others.

To be really useful, you must give from a full cup.

I’m not talking about getting enough rest or ‘me’ time, although that’s important too. I’m talking about saying yes to the projects that are calling out to you, honouring the commitments you make to yourself (yes including a new career), and most of all, allowing more joy into your tightly scheduled work life.

The rewards for following the call of your heart are great even when decisions feel tough in the moment.

Because no one ever achieved their dreams by pleasing others or avoiding letting them down at all costs.

The good news is you won’t be doing any of this alone.

When you honour your desires you get to co-create with the universe, God, spirit, source – whatever name resonates – in all that you do.

This amazing power source is always available to you.

The question is: are you going to work with it, or keep pushing it away like that annoying boulder?

5 ways to transition out of a soul-sucking job

5 ways to transition out of a soul-sucking job

You may already know this if you’ve read my story, but I had many jobs before becoming a career coach, including journalist, copywriter and executive assistant to name a few. I once lasted two long hours in an outbound call centre. There were jobs that I enjoyed, and many that I put up with purely for the dollars. Looking back now I believe I learned important lessons from every single one of those experiences. That said, there are few things more depleting to body and soul than showing up for a job you hate every day.

Quitting your job may not be an option when you have nothing lined up. You have a mortgage to pay and small humans to feed. Besides, how are you going to explain the gap on your resume?

While it’s true that you have to be practical about your financial situation, you don’t have to let fear paralyse you into staying where you are. There’s a danger in staying put when you are miserable, especially if you’re not feeling valued at your company. It’s important to build your confidence at this point rather than see it slip away day by day.

Based on my experiences and those of my clients, I’ve discovered a number of ways you can transition into another career without staying stuck in a soul-sucking job. Here are a few that might help:

1) Take a career break

Taking a career break doesn’t have to mean going without income. Depending on your financial commitments you could get yourself an easy 9 to 5 gig to get you through the transition, whether it’s working in office support or at the local gym. You don’t have to put this on your resume because career breaks are acceptable and being in transition with your career is as good a reason as any to take one. Choose a low-stress job that doesn’t require the long hours you’re putting in right now, and you will have more time and energy to focus on what’s important. You can also use this time to study, volunteer and develop new skills, build your network and find a coach or mentor to help you create your future plan.

2) Move sideways

It’s a fact that women tend to underestimate our skills and abilities which means you might not realise how possible a sideways move is for you. Moving sideways into a new career means finding that sweet spot where your current skills meet your future career goals. To figure this out you’ll need to do an audit of your skills and brainstorm ways they could be applied in a meaningful way to make progress towards your goal.

For example, when I moved into career development I leveraged my existing communications background to get work as a resume writer. You will probably discover that you have more options than you think. Brainstorm ideas with a friend or colleague and write a list. Remember it doesn’t have to be the perfect fit, but it does need to be a step in the right direction and something you will enjoy doing while you learn the ropes in your chosen industry.

3) Work on your passion project

Super keen to open a café but stuck in a corporate career? Why not host a gourmet event for friends and family in your backyard and get them to try your menu. Or a pop-up café at your local community centre. Not only will you gain valuable feedback on your ideas, you will feel more motivated to continue doing the work you love. When you work on a project you enjoy it will energise every area of our life. Suddenly your Monday to Friday job doesn’t seem so gruelling because you’re making progress on your escape strategy.

4) Ask for what you want

Depending on your employer, you might be able to negotiate your hours and create space to work on your desired career change. Is it possible to work from home one day a week? Or switch to a 9 day fortnight and salary sacrifice? Think of all the things you could do to give yourself some space. Sometimes we don’t realise what is available for us because we don’t ask for what we want. We have conversations in our heads with our managers without telling them (I’ve done this too), and imagine that we will get a no. Keep an open mind and go talk to your boss.

5) Dial up your networking

I know I sound like a broken record on this, but opportunities to have what you want are all around you. I have found this to be so true in my own career. We just need to open our eyes to what’s out there. Who do you know who can give you advice on your new industry or profession?

Can you find a mentor through one of the many mentoring groups online? Or join a professional association to access their programs and attend events. If you don’t have time to attend events, start networking within your current organisation. A lot of people miss out on networking at work by eating at their desks. Go for lunch with your colleagues.

Ask people for advice on your skills and how they could be valuable in your new career. Take ideas on board and evaluate them to see which options might work for you. Your network is your most valuable source of advice and support as well as opportunities.

Finally, here’s a bonus tip. Stop working so hard in your current role. Yes you heard me right! You know you want to leave this job so try and let go of the reins a little, especially if you have a tendency to be a perfectionist. Don’t exhaust yourself because It will only make everything you need to do seem even harder.

I hope this has given you some ideas if you feel like you have no way out of your current job. Let me know in the comments if this resonated.

Are you having trouble transitioning into a new career? Not sure which career might be right for you? You can book a Discovery Call with me to chat through your options. Go here to book an appointment.

3 ways to instantly create more career opportunities

3 ways to instantly create more career opportunities

This post was first published on the Firebrand Talent blog.

When I was 17, I decided I wanted to work in the travel industry. It was my final year at school and I had no clue what I wanted to do, but jetting off somewhere exotic sounded like a cool way to live while I figured it out.

Unfortunately my last year in school coincided with the worst recession in Irish history. Determined to find a job in spite of this, I went with the only strategy I knew at the time, a mass mail out. I wrote letters to every travel agent in the phone book (this was pre-internet so I’m talking over 100 handwritten letters!). While I got plenty of nice letters back, sadly for me, there were no job offers.

It’s frustrating when you put a lot of effort into getting a job or progressing your career only to get rejected, or worse still ignored altogether.

Often though, as I have discovered, it means you weren’t necessarily giving yourself the best shot in the first place.

If I had tried a different approach back then, like offering to help out at my local travel agents, I might have fulfilled my travel plans.


1. Make a list of your barriers

If you’ve been trying to make changes with your career, what is standing in your way? Is it your lack of experience? An unsupportive boss? There might be some less obvious ones too.

Maybe you want to work in a more dynamic environment but you hold yourself back in case you don’t meet the high performance standards, for example.

Write a list of everything you perceive as a barrier, whether you’re dealing with difficult work colleagues or a highly competitive environment.

When you’ve written your list it’s time to get honest with yourself.

How many of these things are really an issue?

My point is that sometimes we get stuck blaming others, or ourselves, instead of focusing on what we can actually do to help our situation.

So suspend your disbelief for a moment and pretend none of those barriers exist.

Write a list of the actions you would take if you had no impediments. Take action on three of them right away and diarise three more for tomorrow. Fast action gets fast results.

2. Ask better questions

Have you ever noticed that when things aren’t going your way, you tend to ask yourself really negative questions?

Why am I always screwing up? Why can’t I do better at interviews?

The trouble with negative questions is that they contain assumptions and those assumptions are usually not even close to the truth.

The other problem is that when you ask yourself a negative question, your brain goes looking for answers to support that assumption, which doesn’t help your confidence.

In his book, The Power of Asking Questions: The Book of Afformations, Noah St John says that when you ask better questions, your mind automatically begins to focus on what you have instead of what you lack.

So instead of asking: Why can’t I get a job? Or: Why is there never enough money in my bank account?

Turn those questions into positives like:

Why am I so good at my job? Or: Why am I so awesome with money?

Your brain will search for a positive answer. When you change your subconscious assumptions about your career, you will change your results.

St John argues that when you switch your focus in this way, you will naturally see opportunities for yourself where you previously only saw barriers.

3. Face your fears

For years I dreaded public speaking. If I had to introduce myself, even to small groups, my heart would pound, my hands would shake and I would rush through my speech just to get the discomfort over with as quickly as possible.

When I started running workshops and training events, I knew this approach wasn’t going to help! So I made a decision that I would face my fear and look for opportunities to present to groups. As soon as I did that, invitations to present and speak started pouring in. I don’t believe this was a coincidence! I won’t pretend I know how it works, but when you make a commitment like this, you will start seeing opportunities to make it happen. Often they just land in your lap without you having to do much at all.

In my experience, facing your fears is one of the fastest ways to create more opportunities in your life, so think about where your fear might be holding you back.

Remember if you have a fear of public speaking like me, you don’t have to go all out and speak in front of big crowds right away. Take baby steps, start with small events and work your way up.

What do you do to create more career opportunities in your career? Please share in the comments below.

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