There is a reason why this update hasn’t been posted until now, and that’s because April went a little nuts.
There have been new clients, job interviews, PR opportunities. There were also many happy events, including reunions with old friends, social events with new ones and family celebrations including my son’s birthday.
As it turns out this abundance challenge has taught me a whole heap more than I bargained for about what’s truly important in my life.
You may remember at the start of the month, my goal was to create extra income to manifest my dream of buying a home. This has been something I’ve been working hard towards for a long time now, and it seemed like I was in the final stages, where just one last push would get me through to the finish line.
Instead, by the end of week 3 I was forced to take a good hard look at my goal and what it was really costing me. I’m a goal-driven person. I do not like to give up at all. But this didn’t feel like giving up. It felt like a release and a sweet relief. I had been pushing way too hard, and let’s face it, it’s not supposed to be that hard. For those of you who love Tarot, I was the embodiment of the Four of Swords last week. I’d had enough of being in the driving and pushing, followed by exhaustion and recovery cycle. I decided that I can still buy a home but I don’t have to do it right now.
As someone who has a pattern of overwork and trying really hard to achieve my goals, it was jarring to have the realisation that success doesn’t always have to be hard won. I can make a different choice.
So at the end of this challenge, rather than pursuing my goal at all costs I’m choosing freedom.
This decision has opened up a lot of space in my life. If I don’t have to get the mortgage, I don’t have to work full-time hours, which means more time for family and to work on my business and that feels expansive.
I’ve also started a practice of following the phases of the moon which has really helped me make sense of things and release what’s no longer serving me. I’m getting a sense of what being in flow feels like, instead of pushing myself to the absolute limit.
As I write this post, the moon is full and in one of its Yang phases, which means it’s a time for taking action and the perfect time for doing release work.
If you want to do a releasing ceremony to mark the full or disseminating (waning) moon, here are some ideas.
1)Write a journal prompt: What do I need to release at this time? See what comes up for you.
2) Do a check-in on your goal. How are you feeling about it now? What has changed? Are you happy with the progress you’re making? What do you need to let go of to make this happen?
3) Is this goal still serving you? This is one I never thought of before but it came up for me this month. Is it time to reevaluate your goal?
4) Write a forgiveness list. Think of everyone who has upset you, caused you grief or made you angry this month (including yourself). What was the positive intention behind the person’s actions? Write that down too. Now find a fireproof bowl or go outside and burn your list. Breathe. How do you feel? Lighter?
I hope you’ve learned as much as I have about what abundance really means for you through taking part in this challenge. As I discovered, it’s ok to do things your way. Your way is the right way even if it goes against the grain sometimes. All I know is I’m very grateful for all of it and I’m finishing the month on a high and excited about what is coming next.
On that note, I have something new lined up for May and I think you’re going to love it. We’re going to be talking about how to be more mindful with your money, not so much in terms of budgeting, although we’ll cover that too, but how you can direct the flow of money in your life. This is about taking back your power around money. I can’t wait!
We start next week. Don’t forget to follow along on social too.
We’ve reached the halfway point of our challenge. I don’t know about you but it’s been a tough week thanks to Mercury Retrograde, littered with plans that went sideways, and problems with contracts and paperwork. I feel relieved to emerge on the other side with Mercury going direct again today, and a New Moon in Aries tomorrow.
I’m so ready to move on from the emotional, heavy energy of last week.
Having said that, I had to appreciate that there were lessons in those challenges around taking charge and being more of a boss in certain areas of my life. Maybe that’s what Mercury Retrograde can do for us – hold up a mirror to what needs to transform. As we move into the New Moon, ask yourself: What do I need to leave behind? In what ways am I not being me?
Another big lesson for me this week was around making choices that are in alignment with my goals. I have a tendency when trying to manifest more money to say yes to everything, especially when they’re the kind of opportunities I’ve been hanging out for. As I found out this week, you really have to be discerning. Abundance takes many forms and more work is not always the right way to create it. It may sound counterintuitive but more work is rarely the answer!
It’s good to remember that it’s absolutely fine to say no to whatever opportunities the universe brings to your door this month. If it’s not quite right send it back with gratitude. It will allow you to be even clearer with your intentions.
The silver lining was that I remembered what I really wanted was to get started with my fundraising project. I found a not for profit I really want to raise funds for a while ago but have procrastinated over reaching out. I feel like a total novice when it comes to fundraising but like anything else it’s a skill that can be learned, so I’m putting a callout through my networks to get advice. It will feel so good to get moving on this and it goes back to one of my big life goals of philanthropy so I’m glad to be making space for it. Think about how you can give instead of get this month. Not only will it be more fulfilling to help others, but according to the universal law of polarity, when you give you must also receive (I’m pretty sure it’s in the Bible too but don’t quote me on that #lapsedcatholic). Of course I know you don’t give in order to get, but it’s important to give with a cheerful heart and trust that your needs will also be taken care of.
On the home front I’ve been decluttering (again) and creating my home space the way I want it to be, setting up an alter, making it feel as cosy as possible and honouring the change in seasons. We’re deep into autumn here in Melbourne so I’m nesting and grounding myself in appreciation for what I have now – a great way to create positive energy around attracting the new home that I want to buy.
I’m still tracking every cent that comes into my account (more refunds as it turns out – what is going on with that?), and trying to stay in gratitude for every blessing that comes in. There have also been interview requests from journalists and lots of interest in tarot readings from members of my community.
There’s a lot going on this week so stay in the loop on Facebook and Instagram. Let me know how you’re going or tag your post #abundanceinapril.
We’re one week into the Abundance in April challenge and I have to say the energy has been intense around here. I’ve started to build momentum although progress has been slower than I would have liked as I’ve been recovering from the flu.
Having said that, I’ve had so much to be grateful for this week including extra time off to enjoy school holidays with my son, a doubling of employer contributions to my retirement account (out of the blue), an unexpected $70 refund, help and support from friends, negotiating a better deal on a business software package, free parking and some great feedback from clients that I’ve been working with.
With all of that I feel like a lot of new opportunities are emerging but haven’t quite come to fruition yet. In the past this would have made me stall or give up. It’s obviously not working so what’s the point? But now I know that this is really all about navigating the mystery – that in-between time when you set your intention but it feels like nothing major is happening. It’s when you have to take action in faith even though you can’t see results yet. Faith is so important and in the past, this has helped me to overcome so much resistance to what I wanted to create in my life. I’m drawing on this strength again this week to put my plans into action and act on my guidance even when I feel nervous and unsure.
Apart from what has flowed in here is what I’ve learned this week:
1) To stay in gratitude and be thankful for every blessing
I’ve tried to make it a habit to wake up in the morning and give thanks right away for my day and what lies ahead, even if I’m feeling not so great. It definitely gets the day off to a positive start. It’s been easier to do this because I’ve set up a practice most days of writing down every good thing that happened during the day, from the 5c coin to the colleague who helped me out to meeting a new and helpful contact. As it turns out, there is a lot of good stuff happening in my life every single day that I haven’t always paid attention to.
2) The importance of reaching out and asking for help from your community
Because I’ve been ashamed in the past about my financial circumstances, I still find it hard to reach out and share or ask for help from others. I’ve tried to break out of that this week by being in community and sharing what’s going on with my friends and accepting that support and encouragement. This is hugely important and one of the reasons I’m involving you, my community, in this too. We’re all in this together. No one can do this alone, no matter how independent we feel and want to be.
3) To deal with my money blocks in a more compassionate way
This week I discovered that I’ve still got some blocks around what I deserve to have in my life and I’ve become aware of all of the judgements I hold against myself for not being where I want to be financially. The danger for me is getting stuck in that place of beating myself up (which is really just a form of resistance) and letting it go. This has been my main work this week. And by the way it’s common to find that emotions come to the surface for healing when you make changes like this. You’re transforming your relationship with money here and it’s not easy. So patience is required and a bit of love and self-care too.
My intention for this coming week is to get more into the flow of money and abundance and take actions with more ease, rather than pushing myself, and I’m really looking forward to what this week will bring.
Follow me on Instagram and Facebook for updates during the week too. I’ve also got my weekly reading on careers and money going up on Insta tomorrow so watch out for that.
I’ve been working on my money blocks since 2014.
That was when I realised my marriage was falling apart and I was going to have to go it alone with a young child.
Needless to say, getting myself sorted financially has been a major focus these past four years.
And I’ve learned a lot on that journey.
But I’ve noticed that every time I set a new bigger goal for myself all of my old (or maybe new) stuff comes up again, and I run the risk of falling back into my old ways.
- Like complaining about my circumstances even though I know they’re just temporary.
- Acting out of fear or desperation.
- Or not taking the actions I know I should because I’m afraid of what people will think.
Of course all of this negative thinking just attracts more of what I don’t want!
This year I’ve set myself a big goal – to buy my own place. Back in 2014 I never thought this was possible for me. It’s hugely exciting and a little confronting at the same time.
I’m throwing everything at this one to make sure it happens ASAP.
Which brings me to this month’s challenge…
I had this idea to focus on more Abundance in April because I need to raise my own money consciousness to another level so that I can do more, be more and give more.
And I thought what the heck, maybe you might like to join me?
You may be thinking well that’s great and all but how can focusing on the concept of abundance really benefit me?
Well if you sometimes feel a bit hopeless when you look at your bank account. If you think goals like buying property or launching a new business are beyond you, or you’re just sick and tired of living from pay check to pay check then this challenge is for you.
We’re going to literally take apart those self-limiting beliefs that are stopping us from achieving our goals and start taking actions that bring us closer to what we really want.
Some of them might challenge or scare us, but I’ll be here to support you if you run into any snags, and I’ll be documenting how I go on the blog and on social media throughout April to let you in on everything I’m doing to make this happen in my own life.
I want to do this for myself but I also want to support you.
Plus I think it’s going to be a blast!
Are you in?
Here are the guidelines for Abundance in April to keep us on track and in the right headspace for success:
1) Gratitude is a must
The only way to get out of lack mode and into the space you need to be in if you want to attract more abundance is to feel gratitude for where you are (yes even if it sucks at times). It’s also great if you have a habit of complaining about money. Ahem.
2) Track every bit of abundance that comes in
The abundance that comes to us is not just monetary. It’s also about time, resources, fun, love, freedom – all the things we really want (because it’s never really about the money). So I want you to track every bit of good that comes your way. Already in April I’ve had extra days off and two Kiva loan repayments. There is magic in noticing everything that lands in your lap. Do it every day. Write it down in your journal, or track it with an app but make sure you notice and give thanks for it.
3) Let your money flow out as well as in
This is so important and something I had to learn the hard way. Hanging on too tightly to those purse strings will block the flow of money into your life. It helps to think of money like water, sometimes it crashes in like a wave and other times it slows to a trickle but it’s always in motion. When you pay a bill give thanks for the services you receive, buy your friends a coffee, loosen up a little if you tend to be a tightwad (no judgement if this is you – I’ve had tough times too!) and see if this has any affect on what comes in.
4) Allow more abundance in
What opportunities do you have to bring more money in? This may take a bit of digging particularly if you don’t have a business, but the more you can make it a habit to think this way, the wealthier you are going to become. Just to give you a few examples: You could sell stuff, ask for a pay rise, put a callout on Facebook for extra work like babysitting, mending, writing, baking or sign up for Airtasker. Those are just a few to start with. I’ll be sharing more about what I’m doing on the blog in the next couple of weeks. But the key is to attract the opportunities that are right for you – you’re the only one who’s going to know what these are. Be open and aware of any thoughts, feelings or ideas that pop up around this. Don’t dismiss them as coincidences. If I have my way you will never believe in coincidences again after this challenge!
5) Look for signs and celebrate when it’s on the way
Look for tiny signs that your abundance is on the way (like my Kiva loan repayments – I knew that things were being stirred up when I saw that). Sometimes just deciding that we’re going to change our situation and outlook can be enough for the energy around us to shift. Celebrate every tiny win (even if it’s just your boss buying you a coffee – track it!). Smile when you pick up that 5c coin off the sidewalk and give thanks to the universe.
6) Have a cheer squad
There’s no use going to all this effort to change your mindset and your life if you surround yourself with negative vibes. That doesn’t mean you need to ditch your friends but you do need to be mindful of the people you surround yourself with. If they’re Debbie Downers who complain about money all the time, maybe tell them about this challenge or at least explain that you’re making an effort to be positive about your money and you need them to be supportive.
7) Remember your why
What is your big fat why for doing this project? Maybe you want to break a pattern of never having any money left at the end of the month. Or you want to take a really fancy holiday, or like me, you’re trying to get the deposit together for your first home. Whatever it is you need to have it front and centre in your mind to galvanise you and get you off the couch when you have a bad day. Do what you have to do to keep it front of mind whether that’s creating a vision board above your desk or writing it on your bathroom mirror.
OK so here some mantras to help you get off to a flying start in this first week. If things get tough or you find yourself starting to slide into negative energy use these to snap out of it.
- It is safe for me to receive
- I am worthy and deserving of more abundance in my life
- I am becoming a wealthier woman each and every day
Let’s go! I can’t wait. Follow me on Facebook and Instagram using the hashtag #abundanceinapril.
I’m so excited for us:-)
Are having a midlife crisis? If you are, chances are it’s not much fun (cue the desire for sports cars, alcohol, affairs and anything that might give you a temporary high).
We rarely view this time of life in a positive light, but it can be the catalyst for a more fulfilling life, providing you with an opportunity to chart a new course toward the future you always wanted but were afraid you couldn’t have.
I’m no astrology expert, but there are reasons why we experience this upheaval in our middle years. Just as our Saturn Return (or quarter life crisis) can trigger events that move us toward adulthood, astrological cycles mean that we experience a midlife crisis around the age of 40-42 when we’re forced to take a look at what’s no longer working in our lives. Having reached life’s midpoint there’s this ‘now or never’ energy as we realise it’s our last chance to create the life we imagined for ourselves in our 20s.
If you resist these changes, things can start to fall apart either in your relationships or career. From what I’ve seen in my own life and those of my clients, it’s not uncommon for both to fall apart at the same time (don’t panic if you’re about to turn 40 though, it doesn’t have to happen this way!). In astrological terms these transits are the Pluto square, the Uranus opposition, the Neptune square, and the Saturn opposition. In essence, these transits are pushing you to evolve further into your authentic self.
During my midlife crisis I was going through a divorce while building my skills and knowledge in a new industry with a young baby in tow. Yes it was challenging. Yes I was dealing with a great deal of loss. But the important thing is that it ultimately led to a much brighter future for me, and it can for you too.
So how do you know if you’re having a midlife crisis?
You might feel restless or confused about who you are now and what you want out of life. Maybe you’re questioning your values and priorities. Are you leading the life you wished for? Continuing on with your old life may even start to seem impossible. This is why you often see people abruptly leave jobs and marriages, or sell their house to go live in Paris for a year. The old way of living is no longer in alignment with the person they are becoming and it’s more painful to stay where they are than it is to change.
If this is happening to you, here’s what I would suggest:
1) Don’t be afraid to let go
The first step is to stop feeling like a failure and to release the shame of not having everything figured out by age 40 (no one does!). When you understand that this process will lead you to a better future, you can start taking action with a little more courage and lean into the changes. It’s never too late to change your life.
A midlife crisis will often coincide with a spiritual awakening, a growing awareness that there’s more to life than what you’ve been led to believe so far. This could mean anything from developing a meditation practice, seeing a kinesiologist, getting coaching or counselling, attending a church or reading personal development books. It doesn’t matter what you do as long as it helps develop your self-awareness and tune into your inner guidance.
2) Give yourself permission to want what you want
Figuring out what you really want is a critical first step and it can take a bit of time to unearth. It’s amazing how we go through life without giving serious thought to our desires, often because we don’t believe deep down that we can have them.
It can also be confronting when you realise there’s this big yawning chasm between what you want and your current situation, but now is the time to be honest with yourself. Your midlife crisis is an opportunity to let go of all your old beliefs and patterns, and replace them with new ways of thinking that will support your path to a happier life.
3) Visualise your future self
When you think of your future self, what do you see? Pay attention to your secret dreams, the ones you don’t reveal to anyone. They might be based on thoughts, feelings or visions you have about your future.
When I was going through my career transition I had visions of myself as a teacher which at the time, seemed unlikely, not just because I was absolutely terrified of public speaking, but because I had no idea what I could possibly teach others. This vision or idea wouldn’t go away so I came to understand that it was part of my path, and since then I’ve led many workshops and even given a keynote (miracles are possible!).
Who do you see yourself becoming? Your answer will give you clues about which steps to take next.
If you’re anything like me, you will be carving out time this month to set goals and make exciting plans for the year ahead. Whether it’s time to plan a girls’ trip to New York, learn to knit or finally write the book, there’s nothing like a new year to give you the momentum to finally get moving.
I’ve tried a multitude of goal-setting methods over the years. Some have helped me to make big shifts, while others lay forgotten in my journal all year. What I’ve learned is that there’s a lot more to goal setting than writing a list of new resolutions each year. But you know that already or you wouldn’t have read this far.
Here is my favourite method for setting goals you can stick to and achieve mainly because you’re actually truly excited by them (this is so key). I can’t stress enough how important it is not to set too many goals for yourself. You’re going to feel so much better about achieving one major goal than you are about half-assing 10 different things.
1) What do you want to experience this year?
A six figure income? More time for yourself? The wind blowing in your hair as you finally take that road trip you promised yourself? Think about how these experiences will make you feel. Do you want to feel inspired, energised, affluent? Write it all down.
2) What do you want to make more time for?
Latin dance classes, reading books, margaritas with friends, sex. I know you’re already busy but what are you craving more of? What would you do if you had an extra couple of hours a day? Add that to your list.
3) What contribution do you want to make?
In your job, your family, social groups, the world. Maybe the contribution you want to make this year is to your work, a charity organisation or maybe it’s to your marriage. You have to decide what’s most important and prioritise it so that it actually gets on your calendar.
4) What do you want people to say about you after you die?
It might sound like an odd one for goal setting but in essence this question means, who do you want to become? You can never ask this enough in my opinion.
Now review your list because it’s time to get serious.
5) Which of your goals/desires are in conflict?
For example if you want to have a baby this year, but you also want to have a gap year working with children in Cambodia, you’re going to have some major challenges making them both happen!
Evaluate which ones are the most important to you.
6) What will bring you the most joy?
Which are you most excited about? What will be easy? Who can help you out?
Next consider where you most want to make a contribution and your ‘what people will say about me after I die’ list. Which of your goals will help you to embody those qualities? Where can you have the most impact?
When you finish you should have no more than three goals.
Three is probably doable if you’re not too busy. One goal is just fine.
I highly recommend setting quarterly goals to work towards and then breaking it down again month by month. You might even decide to focus on one goal per quarter so that you can stay focussed (this works for me).
Remember that we tend to overestimate what we can achieve in a year. But please don’t let that put you off doing this exercise. Because as Seth Godin once said:
The thing about goals is that living without them is a lot more fun, in the short run. It seems to me, though, that the people who get things done, who lead, who grow and who make an impact… those people have goals.”
This post first appeared on the Firebrand Talent Blog.
In my line of work, I see a lot of job seekers who’ve become frustrated with the job search process. I tend to see them when they’re at breaking point after sending out 100 résumés with nothing to show for it.
What they often don’t realise is that by using just one strategy to find a job (i.e. the advertised market) they’re seriously limiting themselves. For many of us, this simply isn’t the most effective way to find work.
When you want a new job and you’re coming up blank, you’ve got to be willing to throw everything at it and try a different approach.
Here are my top tips for job seekers who want to find their ideal job without the struggle:
1) Be willing to do what other job seekers are not
This isn’t as scary as it sounds. It’s actually one of my favourite strategies because it’s the easiest way to get a job. Pitching to a hiring manager or picking up the phone to invite someone for coffee, are things that most people simply don’t do. Why? These strategies bring up a lot of resistance for people because they’re anticipating how uncomfortable they will feel.
I see job seekers spend hours on a job application but they won’t take five minutes to call an employer about a job. If you can get past the discomfort, which only lasts a few seconds, you will be one of the few who do this.
You also get to find out if the job is actually right for you before applying. Plus you’ll have an opportunity to build rapport with the hiring manager to see if this is someone you want to work for.
True story: I once called an employer about a job ad that had closed. I was kicking myself that I’d missed it. The job had already gone to another candidate but the manager told me about another role that had not yet been advertised (I got the job).
Always, always pick up the phone.
2) Become a serial coffee dater
I highly recommend you start asking strangers out for coffee. It may feel slightly awkward the first couple of times, but when you’re looking for a new role, you need insights from people in the industry. I also believe that way more job offers are made over cups of frothy latte than at interviews — and for good reason.
If I was going to hire someone, I would much prefer a casual coffee meeting than a formal interview, where it’s sometimes hard to get a sense of what people are really like. If you reach out to a hiring manager, many will take the time to meet with you, if you approach them the right way.
Reaching out to others for advice and insights on their experience is a sure sign that you’re a highly motivated individual, and that’s attractive to employers.
3) Believe in what you can’t see
One trap that’s easy to fall into when you apply for jobs through the advertised market is the belief that your job search is a zero-sum game. It’s easy to have a scarcity mindset when you’re seeing so few jobs being advertised and you know you’re up against hundreds of applicants.
The competition is real when you’re answering a job ad, but you’re not seeing the full picture. Advertised roles represent only a fraction of the opportunities that are out there.
When you believe in what you can’t see, it’s easier to put yourself in situations where you’re the only candidate under consideration.
4) Make it into a game
I know job hunting is a long way from being fun. But there are ways to make it more enjoyable and when you loosen up, things seem to flow a little more easily.
I learned a trick from a mentor to help you think more creatively. You come up with three ways you could tackle a goal or challenge. For example: What are three ways I could approach this employer? Prepare for my interview? Or design my résumé? What are three ways I could get this person to say yes to my request? I always come up with a lot of new ideas whenever I do this exercise.
If you do it every day, even practising with mundane things like what to cook for dinner, it helps to build your creative muscle.
Try it and see how you go!
What’s been your most successful job search strategy?
Here are some of the questions I hear all the time: Do you think I should apply for this job? Should I go back to study or get some experience first? Should I call them? What should I say if they call me? Please tell me what to do!
No judgement because I’ve been there too. You don’t need me to tell you that you’re the expert on your life. But fear and insecurity can play tricks on you, making you believe that just because you’ve made mistakes in the past, you can’t be trusted to be in charge.
You’ll be glad to know there is a way to bypass all of that drama. Start paying attention to how you feel. Daily. Hourly. As often as humanly possible. Your feelings hold the key to the decision you’re struggling with.
Yet how often have you neglected to take them seriously? Pushed them aside or blamed yourself for having them in the first place? You were just being too sensitive/angry/impatient/weird right?
A little while ago I had an epiphany. After years of trying to follow my inner guidance I realised that my feelings are the guidance. How else is divine spirit supposed to talk to you?
It’s strange how when it comes to situations that could put us or a family member in harm’s way we trust our gut without question, yet when it comes to other areas of our lives like our careers or our love lives we often dismiss or ignore our feelings entirely and then wonder why things went so pear-shaped.
Is it any wonder we doubt our own judgement when we’ve spent so long ignoring the very thing we can count on? It’s not easy to break the habit of a lifetime but you can start small and make this a habit.
How do you feel when you get home after a long day at work? When you pick up the phone to make the call? When you think about how you’re spending the holiday season?
How do you want to feel as you close out the year?
Start making small changes based on that feeling and see what happens.
Imagine what could happen if you started trusting yourself.
PS: If you know anyone who could do with reading this today, please forward this post:-)
PPS: If you are looking to work with a coach next year, this is a friendly reminder that it’s your last chance to save $400 on my 90 Day Starting Over Coaching Package. From this Friday 15th December the price goes back up to $2500. You can book here, or sign up for a Discovery Call to chat first.
PPPS: Finally I want to wish you the merriest of Christmases and a very joyful new year!! Much love to you xxx
I’ve been going through another transition lately, not a particularly dramatic one but significant enough to trigger lots of growing pains and resistance.
Even when you know you need to make a change, the ego will do everything to block you, throwing your most deeply held fears in your way.
You might be afraid of losing all that you’ve worked for or that you’ll suffer a drop in income (this is very common).
You may also be worried about how you will be perceived if you make this change.
These fears are designed to keep you stuck in old patterns and ways of being and they can be hard to shake.
If you have a pattern of hiding, for example, or doing everything yourself without help from others, it’s much tougher to make great leaps forward in your career (ask me how I know about that one!).
The only way to move around these obstacles is to change your perception and remember that your fears are not based in reality.
It’s not about turning a critical eye inward either. You must be kind to yourself throughout this process.
Would it help to know that it’s not just you?
Every creature on earth finds change hard. For example not all caterpillars spin their cocoons at the same time. I didn’t know that until I heard this story on Heather Dominick’s podcast. Apparently some of them resist the process of metamorphosis for up to a year, preferring to cling to their familiar larval life than change into the beautiful butterfly they were destined to be.
This state of clinging even has a name. It’s called the Diapause, a period of suspended development between resistance and letting go.
While I understand intellectually that letting go doesn’t result so much in loss as renewal, my reptilian brain takes a little more convincing.
As I try and let go (one fingernail at a time) I remember how:
Letting go of the job I had loved but outgrown felt expansive
Letting go of the idea that my career should follow a ‘conventional’ path felt freeing
Letting go of more money so that it could flow with more ease felt abundant.
The process of letting go has turned out to be my salvation, allowing in more of what my soul craved.
Just as the caterpillar eventually moves out of its diapause and yields to the cocoon, we have to keep taking that next leap of faith so that we too can transition, remembering that a more beautiful, truer future is waiting in the wings if we can just bring ourselves to simply let go.
What do you need to let go of?
PS: If your current career path is no longer serving you, I have a special offer for you. If you book before December 15th you can take $400 off the cost off my 90 Day Starting Over Program. I’m now taking bookings for January. You can book a Discovery Call to start the process or read more about the program here. Wishing you every blessing:-)
Have you ever felt as though you were living the same day over and over again? It’s frustrating when the job you once loved starts to feel like Groundhog Day. It’s easy to blame yourself. Why can’t I stick with anything longer than 12 months? Why do I get bored so easily? Before you do anything rash it’s worth taking a closer look at the reason why you’re feeling this way.
In my experience, the number one reason people get bored is because the job is no longer a challenge. How often have you played it safe when it comes to taking on a job? If you’re bored it could be because you’re playing small and not doing all that you’re capable of.
This happened to one of my favourite characters in a recent episode of Million Dollar Listing New York. If you don’t watch the show, here’s the overview. Ryan had a career crisis because he was feeling bored with his business. He consulted a psychologist, took some time off and tried to reconnect with the work he was doing in the early days when everything was new and exciting. After a lot of soul searching he realised that he was bored because he’d stopped taking risks in his business (spoiler alert: he went out and bought a Brooklyn real estate agency!).
You know what I’m going to say next.
1) Figure out how you can take more risks
What can you do that would be a stretch for you now? What bold moves can you take to achieve your version of a Brooklyn real estate brokerage?
If leaving your current job is not an option, can you develop a side hustle? This could be giving talks at conferences and events, hosting your own event or taking on some consulting work. I have done this myself in the past. When I wanted to improve my public speaking skills (and get over my nerves), I spoke at events and took on additional projects like teaching workshops. All of these tasks pushed me outside of my comfort zone where I could grow and develop my skills.
If you want to take on more responsibility at work start with how you can make life easier for your manager. What could you offer to take off of her plate that would be make your role more challenging? This brings me to my next point.
2) Ask for what you want
You would be surprised by how many people I see unhappy at work but unwilling to ask for a change in their role. It’s funny how we resist taking the simplest action to change our careers. Go and ask for what you want. Most managers want to have happy staff so if you want to have more responsibility or reduce your hours to take a course or start a business, your manager may be more open to it than you think.
The key to doing this successfully is to make it clear what you want and then be willing to negotiate to make it happen. Don’t give up if he says no to your first request. It’s important to work together to come up with a solution that works for everyone.
But what if you’re not sure what you want?
3) Become an observer
Start by becoming an observer of what you do right now. You will find valuable clues about what could be next for you. When you don’t know who you’re becoming, you can begin by articulating the 5 per cent that you can see (a fabulous post by Tara Mohr on this here).
Here’s how to do this. Set an intention to observe your day to gain insight about your situation. Then switch into observer mode at work. Watch yourself as you perform your daily tasks, interact with people and go about your business. What do you notice about how you conduct yourself? The impact you have? How you feel? Notice where you feel the most joy, the most resentment and keep an eye out for situations that bring out the best in you and make you feel good at the same time. It’s as though you are sitting on your shoulder watching everything play out. You will naturally switch back and forth between observer and doer which is fine. I always discover something new when I do this.
4) Share your feelings with your colleagues
In Million Dollar Listing, Ryan consulted with a psychologist and his wife. But if you can, I believe talking things through with a colleague can be helpful. If you have a good relationship with your co-workers they can give you valuable insights into why you might be feeling less than enthused about your job. Maybe burnout is an issue in your industry and your colleagues have been through similar challenges. They can also give you helpful feedback about what they see as your strengths. Remember that the people you work with, including your manager, might have advice on how you could vary your role or switch to another job altogether. It’s ok to admit that you’re not fully enjoying your work and ask for help.
5) Clear the clutter
I’m talking about the mental clutter that often weighs us down when it comes to work. Whether it’s the thousand emails sitting in your inbox, the number of meetings you attend, or the colleague who consistently asks you for time-consuming favours. Whatever it is, ask yourself: What do I need to let go of here? What’s getting in the way of me doing my best work? Some of the issues that have come up for me in the past include: people pleasing, the desire to do everything perfectly and the need to do everything myself. Trust me, the world won’t fall apart if you don’t respond to every email or explain to a colleague that you can’t respond to every request. How can you help them in a way that’s less time consuming for you? Can you delegate this aspect of your job?
When you decide to let go of the things that are getting in the way you’ll open up more space for the work you need to focus on. Be warned, letting go can make you feel a bit wobbly at first because you’re breaking new ground. If this is bringing up a few objections for you, start with something small. Once you see results, it will give you the courage to tackle bigger issues.
6) Review your goals
What do you want to achieve in the next 12 months? Write down your top three goals and think about how your job will help you to achieve them, whether it’s continuously developing your skills, gaining experience or buying a new home. Reframe your current role as a positive addition to your life. Instead of constantly thinking: I don’t want to go to work today, a new affirmation might be: My job supports my personal and professional growth.
If it turns out that this job is not going to help you achieve that goal, then of course it’s time to look for a new opportunity. The advantage of doing these exercises is that you will gain so much clarity on whether your current role is still right for you, or whether you’ve outgrown it and it’s time to move on.
I would love to hear how these tips work out for you in the comments. In the meantime I wish you an amazing and inspiring day 🙂